Twelve Steps

My name is Sandie, and I’m a planaholic.

Hi, Sandie!

I am a habitual planner. Change often throws me for a loop. I make lists, daily; and then I categorize them. When I make a grocery list, I organize it by headings in the order of a walk through the store. For instance, I start with the Deli. Then into Produce. Followed by Dairy, Aisles, and Frozen Foods.

I know. It’s freakish. I’ve been made aware.

So now, picture – if you will – this same planner-type person making a decision on the fly to completely change her life.

I know. It boggles, right?

About five years ago, I found the dream day job. Well. A dream, for someone with a writing career on the side. This day job paid the bills, provided a bunch of extras like health insurance, virtually free cell phone service, enough PTO (sorry…corporate lingo for Paid Time Off) to attend writerly conferences and deadline-driven writing time.

Six months ago, things changed. In a heartbeat, my dream team was split into three different directions. My job title, duties, even my manager! changed. The job stress level soared. Friends who had always loved the company and their jobs changed profoundly. The stress began taking strange tolls on my health, my outlook, even my writing. Never one to give in too quickly, I finally took a deep breath, had a soothing conversation with myself, adjusted my perspective, and I dove into embracing the changes. After all, attitude is everything. Right?

Well. Maybe not everything. Because the thing is...It wasn't sustainable with the situation like it was. Technical skills were now required that I didn't have, so I had to learn them. New personalities made it close to impossible to please anyone. In a job where I'd been consistently recognized for excellence and requested by business partners, I was suddenly handicapped at every turn.

“No, Lord!” I objected. “I can do this! I CAN!”

But somewhere deep inside, I knew the truth. The situation had become almost ridiculous, and I soon realized there was a message in my circumstance. I recognized the spiritual pinches and pokes; I'd experienced it before when a change was coming. Yes, I could probably master the job again, maybe even learn to deal with the dysfunction and obstacles. But was I really meant to? Or had I reached one of those God Crossroads? Was it really a matter of just bending a little in order to keep my life in my neatly-organized day job box, or was it time to pack up the parachute and board the plane?

Long story, short: Almost as soon as I started to pray about God's will instead of my own, I became assured that He had other plans for me. So I closed my eyes and I took the leap. After all, He was actually answering a prayer I'd been praying for years...and it was TERRIFYING!

My name is Sandie. And I am now a full-time writer.

PROS:
- No more bending to fit into a job that no longer suits me.
- No more biting of the tongue when a manager or co-worker needs a power surge and takes it out on me.
- No more juggling projects and content management and editorial duties to find some extra writing time to meet a deadline.
- More time to generate income.

CONS:
- A different kind of bending required. The kind where I try to fit into various publishing guidelines.
- Working with editors instead of corporate management types. Of course, there's still a certain amount of tongue-biting involved, but that's a different blog post.
- Now the juggling portion of the program involves writing projects, deadlines, marketing needs and timelines to bring it all together.
- No more paycheck deposited into my bank account, whether I remind them or not.

Okay. It suddenly occurs to me that perhaps it’s not really all THAT different in this new world I’ve entered. Perhaps this new Plan just requires a few tweaks and adjustments, a change of perspective.

I can do this, Lord. I CAN!

Wait. Am I having déjà vu? A revelation? It's an epiphany!

Ahh, the power of the list.