My Wobbly Christian Witness

For many years, I told God that I couldn't be an effective witness for Him ... and it broke my heart. But I know how people are! Who is going to look at an overweight, clumsy diabetic with financial challenges, rivers of unusual circumstances, flukes and troubles and say, "Yeah! That's a life I want!"?? In fact, it was probably ten years of crying out to God about my wobbly Christian witness before I realized what His answer was.

It's not about the challenges. It's about your response to the challenges.

If you've been a regular reader of this blog, you know that I've been fighting kidney stones for quite a while now. The pain was more intense than anything I've ever experienced. Every single day. I woke up with pain, limped through my day in pain, and fell asleep at night exhausted from it. I couldn't function in my normal life, and the options for help were limited by my weight and physical condition. It was hard to keep believing for relief when the obstacles were so tall in front of me.

I started a prayer group this year on behalf of a friend undergoing another battle with cancer. That tiny little group of women grew and grew, blossoming into a mighty team of prayer warriors. So when I couldn't handle the situation any more, I had a wonderful place to turn for support. They prayed for and with me that God's hand would push those supposedly impassable stones out of me and that I would find deliverance at last. It was hard for me to share my fears, to bear my soul for all to see that my life was in turmoil yet again. But what I remembered through their prayers was that now they were invested as well. Now they were waiting for God to do something wonderful just as I was waiting!

When we finally came to the place where the doctor said I needed surgery, I was crushed and disappointed. The surgery held risk of complications for someone like me and, with a stint inserted afterward for a full week, it held the promise of replacing one kind of pain for another. Once again, I found myself wondering what kind of witness I could possibly be when my life always seemed to be rooted in some type of challenge. It had been a full month of this, and I just wanted to get on with life again! I yearned to leap out of bed, all revved up for the dawn of a new day ... the way I had dreamed of doing since leaving my day job and committing to the full-time writer life. Instead ... not so much. The kidney stones had begun their havoc just after that move.

I asked my doctor (whom I call Doogie because he's like twelve years old!) if we could just wait another week. "Why?" he asked. "What's the point of another week of pain trying to pass kidney stones that aren't going to pass?" I wanted to give God a little more time to do what I just knew He could do.

Of course you see what's coming, right? That week, I passed the impassable stones! Poor Doogie didn't know what to do with that. He actually brought his laptop into the examination room to show me. "You're not going to believe this," he declared. "Unless the scan completely missed them, I don't know. They're gone!"

For three straight days now, I have been adjusting to this new-again way of life. I get up in the morning and shift in bed several times; just to make sure. I eat breakfast, and it actually stays down. Yesterday, I stood in the sunshine and just grinned like a crazy person. And I've shared the news of my "impassable" kidney stones with just about anyone who will listen.

Why?

Because my witness wasn't in the challenge of the stones. My witness is in the joy of their passing. I still have two small stones in there, smug, grinning for the scan camera. But because of their position and size, we'll be able to laser-blast them next month, and they'll pass without so much drama. As for today, the beautiful sun is shining this Sunday morning. At least it is in my world. I'm convinced that it's the reflection of God's knowing smile.

It's not about the challenges. It's about our response to them.